There she was sitting in the small counseling room as we surrounded her. She was flanked by her Case Worker from the county, as well as the ministry team. She sat clutching her daughter to her chest, her head wrapped in a cloth, and though her stature was somewhat diminutive her presence spoke of a fierce independence. This was the beginning...the beginning of a love story. A mother's heart laid bare that day breaking in ways I could not imagine...that heart was mine. The love that infused my soul for this dear one and her child cannot be expressed in words, nor can I attribute it to a human origin. The connection of a Mother's heart to a lost child...those I have birthed and the many I have not. The cry of the lost and hurting can be deafening and the moments of clarity, seeing clearly the person in front of me is often enough to move me...move me to cry out on their behalf, move me to seek to understand, move me to give without expecting return.
I had become a vessel of the very compassion I have experienced as I have walked through seasons of wandering, seasons of heartache, seasons of stubbornly going my own way, seasons of separation from the knowing revelation that God is with me and working through me and seasons when I have tried to go it all alone. I am now at a season when I have learned how to express what is inside, but I still manage to hold back more than I want to of myself and the true depths of love and care I find in reflection and prayer. When I reflect I have seen myself as a fierce lioness rising to ward off the enemies of her children and felt the lows of the seasons of finding the quiet, lonely place to nurse my wounds. I ,however, no longer can bare the weight of need and endless sorrow that only grows.
The obstacles in the path of these daughters hidden in the darkness cannot be moved by my compassion alone. I am no longer moving from a place of desperation to fill a need and right a wrong, but from a place of understanding and revelation. Understanding that the one in front of me must come on their own to the Father and my part is to say: yes to a show of compassion, yes to what the Lord is asking of me, yes to mothering and allowing His love to move through me...These are the steps that pave the way out for a hardened, broken and scar ridden heart.